she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
