addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
