Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
