i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
