You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
