we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
My liver just had a heart attack.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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