Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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