Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
