I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize