Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
We're too hungover to prance.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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