I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
