So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
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