The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
