Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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