it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
