Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
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