got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
So vagazzling was a success
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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