His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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