You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
