she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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