the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
