Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
My balls are so social today.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
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