Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i just had sex bonerless
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
