If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
