I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
