You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
