my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
