The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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