Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
organizing the empties. That sober.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
