You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
