I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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