at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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