she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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