I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize