sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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