We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
