Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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