so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
The power of my boobs compel you
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
