just survived the first fart of the relationship.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
