if you like me you must not know who I am
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
