I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
