he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
The air was thick with penises
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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