Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
