thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
