You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
