My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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