When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
