Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize