Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
