Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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