Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
