I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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