you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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