i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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