how can u be prego again
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize