My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Randomize
