I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
