I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
