I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
