This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
