I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I just googled if crying burns calories
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
