so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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