Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
