I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
