I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
