does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
